What went wrong? Part 1

I try to learn from every situation (especially unfavorable ones), so when I end a relationship I ask myself "What went wrong?" In my last relationship my mate and I had trust issues that were watered by social media. Given, we met one another with open sores and I am not blaming social media for reopening those sores, but it definitely had a toll on our relationship. One of the first things that we agreed upon early on in our relationship was that neither one of us would have any form of social media access. (I agreed to this more to satisfy him than to actually compromise which posed greater issues) I stayed true to my end of the agreement until I felt the relationship coming to an end. (Yes, I reopened my Instagram account and posted a picture with the caption "back from hiatus.")

This is what I learned:

1. Do not agree to do things just to please your mate because you will either intentionally or unintentionally hold this decision over their head. I would always tell my mate "I did all of this for you" or "this is the least you can do for me since I did that for you." Simply put, it caused many arguments. 

2. If your mate has trust issues, there is nothing you can do to change that. Your mate's trust issues were probably formed prior to you meeting them and they have to face those issues on their own. I allowed my ex to keep many tabs on me because I thought that it would make him feel more comfortable, but nothing was ever enough because his internal issues were the cause of his trust issues. 

3. Verbal contracts are bonding and if you and your mate never revisit a topic and decide together that altering a prior agreement is okay, then stay true to your end of the contract. If you sign a leasing agreement, you cannot paint rooms without the leaser's consent, but if you do you risk being kicked out. When you make decisions without consulting your mate, you are risking being kicked out of your relationship. 

4. Do not base your decisions on the assumption that the relationship is about to be over. A relationship is not over until both parties agree that it is over. I reactivated my Instagram because the relationship was at its end, but I had yet to tell my mate so because of this unnecessary tension formed in my relationship. I did a single-minded act even though my leasing agreement was not up. 

...TO BE CONTINUED.